Wednesday, February 16, 2011

It's February 16, 2011
I'm sitting in the library of a high school
that I didn't spend my freshman and sophomore years in
up until now, I didn't know how much I loved my student login number
that I had since kindergarten...
I had to learn a new number, and it doesn't easily come to my mind or my fingertips

I didn't know how much I loved the view
from the third floor chemistry classroom
or how much light came in through the windows
between the third and fourth floors in the stairwells
or the view of the softball field and messages written there
after it snowed

I was closer to sixteen than I was to fifteen
when I found that I love to dance in the rain
and walk in it for hours
not caring how wet I become
that was also when I remembered I love jumping in puddles

I didn't know that I like flowers on the table in a vase
until they were my flowers in a vase on the table
and not someone else's
I never knew how much I love summer until it ended
and I had to go back to doing homework

I never realized how much I liked Moroccan food
until I moved from where I could easily get harira
or beef and prunes and tapenade
now that I can't have it I know how much I miss it

I didn't know I liked riding the train
until it was too expensive for me to ride it frequently
until I get a job
or how much I miss afternoons on the bus
people watching and eavesdropping

I always knew I hated getting shots
and having IV's sticking out of my arms
and needles in my hands
but I didn't know that I love hospital food
or how apple juice tastes at the doctor's office

I never knew that I loved stoplights and streetlights
and business lights and neon signs
and busy streets and lights of other cars on the road
and kiosks on the side of the road that I never went to
until now
and there are hardly any lights
and hardly any stoplights and streetlights
and it's almost completely dark when I drive in the night

I never knew how much I loved to run
until after I ran my first race
and finished last
I never knew I loved spaghetti
until I went three months without it

I never knew I'd know what I didn't know
or miss what I didn't always miss
or wish I could go back to a moment in time
or never go back
and never go forward
but stay in a moment forever