Friday, February 25, 2011

A, B, or C

A held B's hand as C ran away, D consoled E as F started to cry.  G heard from H that trouble was brewing and told I, who was waiting with J for news about K while L fell in love with M.  N went on vacation, and heard that O knew a secret, while P was oblivious and Q made matters worse.  R didn't care about what S told T.  U had hurt V, and V was after revenge.  W was of the same mind as X that Y was up to something, and Z was just trying to help A and B find C.

A invited B to dinner at C's house.  There at the dinner, D met E, and the pair became inseparable.  F and G were already in love, and so glad to hear from H and I that J became fast friends with K at the dinner.  L was lonely, but felt better when M was around.  N went on vacation with O's family while P was in the hospital.  Q heard from R about all the gossip, and hurried to tell S, who really didn't care.  T and U got in a fight, V tried to settle it, and W's efforts to reconcile X and Y failed, while Z thought that if A hadn't had the dinner party, none of this drama would have ever happened. 

A had a grand plan to get B and C together, but was thwarted by D, who liked to make trouble.  E was oblivious until F got involved and made it a problem for G and H, too.  I was in love, but wouldn't tell J the truth about being in love with K.  L was trying to get the lead, M wanted it, too, so N had to decide, which made O even madder than P had been after the breakup with Q.  R went with S to see T's play, and U took mental notes on how V got along with W.  X just was there, and Y was fed up, but Z was just amused, and finally convinced A that it was just high school.

Dancing Fool

It's New Year's Eve and I'm at my best friend's house.  She's been my best friend for six months, since we met at the end of the summer.  I was nervous to come, and now that I'm here, sitting balanced on the arm of the couch, I know why.  I'm out of place here among these dancing fools.  They whirl around and around, never stopping except for the occasional sip of Coca-Cola or Sprite.  I can see I'm not one of them, not comfortable enough to just let loose and dance, mess up my hair doing a head bang and still continue to move.  I can almost see myself with them, but I can't at all in the same thought.  My friend's brother stops to ask me why I won't join them, and I try to think of an excuse.  I can see myself being pulled into the crowd, my hair flying, feet burning up the hardwood floor.  I would laugh and sway, throw a smile over my shoulder at the person stealing a sip of water.  But instead of doing what I want to, I sit here in this corner, still too shy and afraid to do try.  The offer comes again, the question of why I won't join, and I'm suddenly bold, brave, ready to take on the rest of them tonight.  I dance until it hurts, until I've become as much of a fool as everyone else, until my side aches and I've been laughing so much it will hurt to sit up tomorrow morning.  I run barefoot through the snow and around the street, crashing pots and pans together to welcome the new year.  Time seems to slow, the memories of the Eve fade already.  I dance a while longer, but softer, slower, smoother  than before, sometimes with a few of the others, sometimes alone.  Finally comfortable in my own skin and ready to take on whatever tomorrow will bring.  It's New Year's Day, I'm sitting balanced on the arm of the couch, and I'm not the same as I was before midnight.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Unknown Wishes

Thoughts swirl around in my head
as I finally succumb to the task of sleep
I swiftly, silently, surely, submissively
drift into the land of unknown dreams.

Moving through thick, slicing darkness,
finding the meaning of something I wish
or something I saw once upon a time in a
dream, or maybe reality, all is the same here.

Vivid images pass before my eyes,
sounds invade my ears, but are not unwelcome.
My fingers dance across the keys of a piano,
playing with more skill than I've ever had.

Chords of another instrument in the other room,
the noise fades in and out like an over-used record,
but rings with clarity when it is heard, beautiful,
full of life and something more, unknown but wanted.

People surround me, I know their faces, but forget all names,
my friends brought to life below the surface of
consciousness, my feet move me forward again, my toes
lingering on the threshold of the next moment.

The unknown becomes known on the stardream night,
or is hidden still in the sunbeam shadows of day
as I jerk awake, facing the harsh light of morning.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

It's February 16, 2011
I'm sitting in the library of a high school
that I didn't spend my freshman and sophomore years in
up until now, I didn't know how much I loved my student login number
that I had since kindergarten...
I had to learn a new number, and it doesn't easily come to my mind or my fingertips

I didn't know how much I loved the view
from the third floor chemistry classroom
or how much light came in through the windows
between the third and fourth floors in the stairwells
or the view of the softball field and messages written there
after it snowed

I was closer to sixteen than I was to fifteen
when I found that I love to dance in the rain
and walk in it for hours
not caring how wet I become
that was also when I remembered I love jumping in puddles

I didn't know that I like flowers on the table in a vase
until they were my flowers in a vase on the table
and not someone else's
I never knew how much I love summer until it ended
and I had to go back to doing homework

I never realized how much I liked Moroccan food
until I moved from where I could easily get harira
or beef and prunes and tapenade
now that I can't have it I know how much I miss it

I didn't know I liked riding the train
until it was too expensive for me to ride it frequently
until I get a job
or how much I miss afternoons on the bus
people watching and eavesdropping

I always knew I hated getting shots
and having IV's sticking out of my arms
and needles in my hands
but I didn't know that I love hospital food
or how apple juice tastes at the doctor's office

I never knew that I loved stoplights and streetlights
and business lights and neon signs
and busy streets and lights of other cars on the road
and kiosks on the side of the road that I never went to
until now
and there are hardly any lights
and hardly any stoplights and streetlights
and it's almost completely dark when I drive in the night

I never knew how much I loved to run
until after I ran my first race
and finished last
I never knew I loved spaghetti
until I went three months without it

I never knew I'd know what I didn't know
or miss what I didn't always miss
or wish I could go back to a moment in time
or never go back
and never go forward
but stay in a moment forever

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day

I think I love you.
Do you maybe love me too?
'Cuz that would be sweet.

Hot and Dangerous

The first time I saw you sizzle,
I knew I had to have you.
The first time I smelled your thick aroma,
I knew it had to be you and me.
You were so hot, you burned my lips,
I forgave you and waited for you to be ready.
This was the moment I'd been waiting for,
The all-consuming desire. 
You were so tempting,
You tantalized my taste buds.
At last I knew sweet victory as I tasted your salty all.
Oh, bacon, my bacon, how can I go on?

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Songs that mention sunshine, people who smile, hearts drawn on homework, talking to someone for 4 hours, eating ice cream and milkshakes, making cookies and chocolate malts, watching kids' movies, reading my favorite books from fourth grade, quoting movie lines, pretending to be British while ice skating, oreos and milk, rain boots and snow boots, high heels and flip-flops, ponytails with bright elastics, yellow things, pretty paintings, summertime memories, ice baths after long runs, blasting music in the car and singing out the windows, going on adventures in my adventure shoes.

The Me That Once Was

When I see people I used to know,
I miss the me I once upon a time was,
The me that was little, me that was funnier than you,
Gap-toothed, nerdy, and bookish elementary schooler,
Befriender and happy-maker, slapper and smiler,
Crazier than anyone outside could ever imagine,
Super-swinkler and sometimes crinkler,
Loud me, quiet me, reading in every class,
Running races in short-shorts and tank top,
Getting myself lost on the easiest course,
Improving myself by making cookies,
Both eater and baker for people I love,
Potted-plant syndrome sufferer while
I heard all the secrets no one thinks I know,
Knower and listener to the unfortunater,
Slowest runner on the team, a watcher of
No scary movies at all, never ever,
Speediest talker, four conversations at once,
Confusing boys who can't process that fast,
Young street croseer, rider of the public
Buses and trains, pretending to own a phone.

Flirting with boys, falling when I see them,
Popular, confused, laughing and gigglingest of all,
Dancing for hours at a time on New Years
And by myself in my room, looking like an idiot,
Buying cookies and soda to entertain
Myself at oh-so-boring football games, but
Wanting to be there for the funniest
Times in my life, humorous laugher-wither,
Not ever a laugher-atter,
Hater of cursive and science classes,
Taker of hotel lotions and soaps,
Obsessive teeth-and-braces brusher,
Keeper of secret messages, teller of
No one's secrets, eating limitless quantities of
Chocolate to make my life as better as it could be,
Defender of the silent and shy,
Teller of my older sister's bestest jokes,
Long-haired, short-tempered school-switcher,
Filler of water bottles with tissues,
Cynical me, cereal eating me,
Seeing the possibilities up ahead, looking forward.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Me, in a Nutshell

At night, when I’m restless,
I make up a list of things.
Of things I wish I could do,
Of places I wish I could go.
Not of regrets of days past,
Though they creep into my mind.

I try to think of what I’ve done
To make someone else’s lot better,
Or what I haven’t done to make it worse.
I’ve never toilet-papered a house,
Never doorbell ditched an unpleasant surprise.
Mostly, I’ve done nothing too bad.

I’ve never broken curfew without asking to stay out late,
Or lied about where I was or who I was with.
When I was younger I didn’t cheat on math tests
Or  stick gum on the underside of tables.
I didn’t cut class when there was a horrible sub,
Nor switch names and desks.

I’ve never insulted anyone on purpose,
Killed anyone’s pet when I was pet-sitting,
Made a fool of someone in front of a crowd,
Or spoken too loud at a play.
In movies I’m quiet; I obey all the rules,
I haven’t yet killed someone for hurting me.
I’ve never done drugs,
Or stolen from a drug store,
Or cut out part of a race,
Or not returned a library book on time.
I discover as I make my list that there’s a lot I haven’t done
But, what’s important now is where I decide to go from here.


Summer: staying up late,
talking til 2 am, drinking
4 sodas in 1 hour, riding
bikes, getting caught in
the rain, getting lost,
sunburn, broken toe. 
Pretty much, it's awesome.


I saw a frappe and was
consumed with the need
for you-know-what: an
irish carmanilla and best
brownie cupcake. And
you-know-who to give
it to me.